The Joy of Grace

A Blogging Fool Apr 08

This is what Aaron was consistently telling me I was a couple of weeks ago when I was consistenly blogging. Hmm...I hate when I don't blog. Here's my mindset about writing an entry: "I need to post an entry. I haven't taken any pictures to post with my entry. No fun. I'll wait until I take pictures and then I'll blog...." So, it's been at least two weeks since I've blogged. I do have pictures that I could post but they are so outdated (from Easter) that I feel they are not relevant to our week. So, I will not post pictures. But, I will blog in efforts to become a fool once again.

Here are some of my most recent thoughts on...

Spring...I'm totally thrilled that it is here! My only concerns at this moment in time are the following: 1-our azaleas are starting to "pop" but definitely not in full bloom yet. Why this concerns me? Every other yard in our neighborhood has blissfully blossoming azaleas! Have we managed to kill yet more? 2-With summer approaching, I think swimming. When I think swimming, I think Savannah and the new baby. That will probably not work well especially if we decide to join a public facility where I would most likely have to go by myself during the week. That brings me to the ultimate concern: if I do not immerse (literally) Savannah in water every other day this summer, will she not totally abandon the love of water for the rest of her life? Aah...that would sadden me to no end because water needs to be a part of every child's summer or at least my fondest memories are of summers at the pool with grape soda.

Savannah...To put it frankly, last week was one of our toughest weeks with Savannah. At one point, I had to leave the dinner table, go into our bedroom, shut the door, and just lay on the bed trying to calm down so I would not totally and verbally become overwhelmed with our very selfish daughter. So, yes. Selfishness and Savannah was an epiphany last week and it was really hard for me to grasp~this sweet little one year old who so often we joke with each other around 10:00 p.m. that we miss her and we want to go wake her up just so we can play with her~is selfish!!? To say the least. As I grasp the Truth of the Word~that we are sinful at conception~I wrestled with it, along with Savannah, all last week. This week I am better with all of it and with her :). Still realizing it. Still wrestling. Still coming into the very real realness that shepherding a child's heart is one of the greatest tasks, if not the greatest, that Aaron and I will undertake over the next 20+ years.

Pregnancy...Today is April 8th. I'm very much thinking that if she does not come by June 10th (a week and a day early, but my dr.'s hospital day), this will be her due date. Which is just two months away. Which I cannot believe. This pregnancy has absolutely flown by! If I may say that and still have two months left. Things are better this time around: I'm walking 30-55 minutes a day at least 3-4x a week; my back is not hurting nearly as bad; and the doctor even told me that my weight gain looked "good". Maybe I should not count that last one because the same doctor never got mad at me last time for gaining so much...I even asked him to so I would have reason to be inspired not to eat so much. Sometimes I get a bit teary thinking of the blessing of carrying another sweet (and selfish) child! God's provision is abundant! I also get teary thinking about how Savannah will reckon herself into being a big sister. It's not a secret: she is a mama's girl through and through. I try to imagaine the scenario: It's time to nurse the baby...Savannah is waking up from her nap, a time where when I go get her presently, she likes me to hold her for a good 5 minutes as she wakes up. But wait, the baby is screaming and is hungry. So I put Savannah down. And that's where she will need to learn by then that: "Mommy cannot hold you. Mommy has to hold baby sister." A two year old could process that better than a 15 month old I think. Not saying that she, as a 15 month old, should not be able to process it. So daunting to me all the same. (oh, by the way...we're not just not telling the name of the new baby...we don't know yet. I think I know but Aaron doesn't think he knows...)

That Stupid Class...If I have to answer one more question about how introducing an individualized behavior plan to parents, after stating the problem behaviors and communicating the steps already taken to handle the problem, will benefit the difficult child, I think I will go crazy. No. Wait. I cannot go crazy yet because I have 4 more lessons to complete plus a 3-5 page paper. So, I persevere with the intent of finishing the class by this week and mailing it off next week.

Charley...Either she is developing arthritis or she is just being a baby. She will not jump on the couch or our bed without our help. I know. This should be a welcome problem. But, as you know, we love our dog and hope that she is not getting older than she needs to be.

What Else?...This week has actually been quite splendid. I love this weather. We went to the zoo on Monday where Savannah got to wear her cute monkey shorts that I made (minus one ruffle)...I know. I should have taken a picture. We also have a picnic planned for Friday, sunshine permitting. Maybe she will wear her monkey shorts that day and I will take a picture. Pictures overwhelm too though because I have yet to finish her 1st year album. Nor have I taken enough pictures to fill the new baby's album....

Now I am becoming a fool again...slowly, but surely. Better late than never.