The Joy of Grace

Still Learning Apr 16

As mentioned in a previous blog, I've had a really hard time with Savannah as of late and what appears to me her true colors coming out. She's my child. There's no doubt about it. Personality wise, she's like me through and through. While I can get really "into" analyzing personalities and I love to do it, I'll try not to do it too much. But here are just a few words to describe Savannah (and me): Tender. Impatient. Silly. Thinker. (yes, even at age one I believe she takes in everything and what she is able to process, she processes to no end) Sensitive. Goes from A to Z in a second. Fisty. Friendly. People person. Decisive. Does not liked to be physically touched by people other than who she is really close to and knows really well (is that a personaility trait?). An extreme Mama-lover. Orderly. Hmm...that's all I can think of right now.

All that to say, as much as Savannah's true colors are coming out, so are mine. And I am so weary of mine! So as I've pondered different comments made to me about children's personalities (thanks to Mary Faith and Amanda for bringing to my heart the blessings of a child's personality) and processed issues I am having with Savannah (not all bad issues at all...just watching her "become"), I've come to several very encouraging conclusions...

• I think I'm scared of "messing up" Savannah. She's our first child. And for that fear, I'm coming to the realization: It's okay if I don't do things perfectly. I'm a perfectionist and that reality drives me crazy but I'm going to have a long and tough road ahead of me if I do not become much more laid back with my mistakes. More importantly, I'm doing what I know to do. I'm parenting with my husband. We're praying over our child. We're seeking to apply the Word in raising Savannah.
  
• I care too much about what people think. People being friends, family, strangers, acquaintances...anybody. Isn't it wonderful for someone to compliment you on your child? And how much more wonderful for them to say something about the way she is!? Sure it's wonderful, but shame on me! The Bible says in Galations 1:10: "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
  
• Perhaps the most important realization I'm coming into is that Savannah is still learning. I'm so hard on her. I know I'm a Southerner and this phrase is very overused by Southern women, but with all authenticity: Bless her heart! Oh, how thankful I am that I'm coming to this reality now, even if I'm only touching on it! I don't want to be that mom who won't let Savannh cut her hair when she's eight because Southern girls have long, flowing hair and bows look so much prettier in long hair; I don't want to be that mom that makes her take piano lessons because I never did and I regret that; I don't want to be that mom that demands A s when C s is the best she can do. I don't want to that mom who is so performance-driven that I fail to take the issues of my chlild's heart into serious contemplation! (And, oh! What a precious example my mom is to me of taking a child's heart into holy and serious contemplation...)
  
• We're learning together. If you see us in Target and she's screaming because I won't let her hold my keys because I know that she will most likely drop them and I'm often so oblivious that I would not hear them drop and we'd be in the parking lot 30 minutes later both in tears because the keys are no where to be found and she's hungry and I'm 7 months pregnant and highly emotional, don't judge us...we're learning together. She's learning to accept no and understand choices. I'm learning to tell her no and give her choices. If we come to your house and I leave the room to go to the bathroom and she screams, don't judge us...we're learning together. She adores me and I know that may not last too much longer. She's a thinker. She thinks that when I leave the room and she is in a strange place, she's there to stay and I'm gone for awhile. I'm learning that it's okay for her to be tender and sensitive to that. And, have I ever told you that I made my mom follow the school bus to school when I was seven years old because I thought it was going to take my somewhere, drop me off, and I'd be gone forever? Yes, seriously. And I have so little patience with this little one year old? Shame on me again!
  
• And finally...you know how you never know what someone is going through? How if a clerk in a store fails to say Thank you, you should be okay with that? How a waitress may give you a look and you need not be offended? And how we as adults are suppose to know that maybe they've had a hard day...maybe their dog just died...maybe their dad just had a heart attack...maybe they are just having a really overwhelming day and nothing awful has happened. I'm learning that you never know how a mom and child's day has been. And you know who knows the very best? The mom. She knows why she is choosing to tell the child no and let her scream it out. She knows why she is choosing to give a spank on the hand. She knows why she is deciding to put the child down for a nap instead of letting her play. Mama knows best. In the past, I've been so quick to "think" my opinion (never brave enough to say it thankfully) about the way a certain child should act, what he/she should be doing at this point in the learning process, etc. etc. Now I see I was a fool. I still am a fool. But I'm learning.

Totally did not mean to preach a sermon. Just some thoughts and really just preaching to myself. May you rejoice in your child this day. Not because of who he/she is or what he/she does but because children are a heritage from the Lord and a reward from Him (Psalms 127:3).