The Joy of Grace

Time Apr 29

Two quick stories that deal with time and me, then on to the point. I love clocks. My two favorite clocks, two which were both wedding presents, have both recently stopped ticking. Someone told me one time that if a similar event keeps happening in your life, the Lord is trying to teach you something. Hmm...I'm not sure about that thinking. I guess that's not really a story. Maybe this one is a bit more of one. I've been going to be SO late lately, at least for me. Words I never thought Aaron would utter to me were uttered to me a couple of nights ago: "Baby, you need to turn off the light and come to bed." Words uttered I must add in a very sleepy tone as he was already pretty much fast asleep...something also that I never thought would happen~him going to sleep before me. But it was after midnight and I was still awake. For those of you who don't know, I've always been a very "early to bed" kind of girl. Like, 9:30 was getting pretty late for me. These days I think it's good for me to be in bed by 11ish, and trying to fall asleep by 11:30. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. Maybe my body is getting geared up for not getting my full 9 hours of sleep in the coming months. Whatever it is, it's so weird for me.

Another tid-bit, which should bring me to my point. I am AWFUL at time managment. I think I get it honestly from my mom and dad. They're not planners. They also think they can do about 101 things in a couple of hours and not go crazy, which they usually don't go crazy. Like when they come to see us in Memphis, they have a list of things to get done, people to see, places to go, etc. etc. and all the time thinking that quality and quantity time will be spent with us. Hah! But it has gotten a ton better to have a little girl who they can't get enough of when they are here (Savannah, not me). Well, here's how my heritage hurts me...while I am a planner, I don't know how to plan thus I fall into the trap of trying to do 101 things in a couple of hours and I, unlike my parents, go crazy trying to do them and go even crazier when they don't get done. Help!

How does this affect my role as wife and mom (which is the point of the entry)? I had an epiphany last week: My full time job is wife. My full time job is mom. (Technically, it's not because I work two days a week for just SEVEN more days...yay!, but it is at the same time). And in that blessed full time job, I am not called check things off my list. I am not called to have clothes perfectly ironed. I am not called to formulate fabulous meals every night. I am not called to get 10 TO DO things done during Savannah's naptime. I am called to love. I am called to show mercy and grace. I am called to utter words of courage and hope. I am called to enjoy. No, I don't have a verse from the Bible to prove to you that I am not called to iron but called to show mercy and grace, but I do have the understanding that as a Christian, I am called to glorify God. And when I start to become so obsessed with my agenda, my tasks, my whatevers, I loose sight of that and thus loose sight of being the wife and mom that the Lord wants me to be. Ahh...how freeing this Truth is to me!

How wonderful it is for me to think and then believe that my primary task at hand is to be a wife and a mom. I read something the other day that put it so plainly to me, and although this passage was talking about parenting, it led me to also consider my calling of being Aaron's wife too "...You cannot do so (parenting) without investing yourself in a life of senstive communication in which you help them understand life and God's world. There is nothing more important. You have only a brief season of life to invest yourself in this task. You have only one opportunity to do it. You cannot go back and do it over...You are presented daily with scores of options for investing your life's energies and creativity. There is more than you could ever do. You must, therefore, prioritize. Parenting is your primary calling. Parenting will mean that you can't do all the things that you could otherwise do...The costs are high..." (from the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp).

All that to say...when I am more concerned about my agenda, I loose heart of truly communicating with those who I am called to communicate with the most heartfully~Aaron and Savannah. And when I loose that communication, I loose more than getting a TO DO list done could ever give me.

Practically, in all this realization, I am trying to just choose one major task to do a day. For example, yesterday my major task was to go to the grocery store. So besides going to the zoo with friends, cooking dinner (by the way, I'm going to post the best crock-pot recipe ever in the coming days...), and going to Aaron's soccer game (Still think it was too much, but I'm getting better...), that was the only goal I had for the day. And I accomplished it. And it felt good not trying to do 51 other things in a 24-hour day. And I even went to bed by 10:30 p.m.

And now it is 10:02 p.m. and although I could keep writing, I am going to time mangage and get ready for bed.